Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Once a Wife, Always a Wife?

I'm a member of a lot of military support pages on Facebook. I'm not as involved in them now as I used to be. I've noticed a few things though. There are a lot of people on these pages who are no longer military-involved. Not all of the pages are just for military "spouses," but for girlfriends, boyfriends, fiancees too. I have absolutely no problem with this. I absolutely loved these pages when my husband first got involved in the military because I had no clue what I was doing. I was a girlfriend then. Women welcomed me with open arms into their groups and answered any questions I had. That's what inspired this page.
Now, I've started to notice a lot of people saying that they aren't with their significant other anymore, but they still want to stay on the page because they like the people. I have an easy solution to this. Make a page for exes? Just kidding, that would be crude. Add their personal pages. Just because you aren't a military SO anymore doesn't mean you can't be friends with people who are. I think it does mean that you probably shouldn't be on a military wife page though. Some of the groups I'm in are called "Always Faithful Military Love" or "Army Wife Network" and "Military Issued Love." The ones that really kill me are the girls who post on the faithful page about "I cheated on my husband and I don't know how to tell him... He's deployed and I don't want him to worry," or "I think a guy other than my husband is really hot. What do I do?" What do you do? You leave the page because you're not being faithful.
On the other pages, I see girls all the time saying, "My SO and I broke up six months ago, and I'm with a new guy now. We're so happy, but he's not military." Leave the page. If you're an administrator on a military support group when your SO gets out of the military, pass on the power. I'm not saying you need to delete the page. I'm saying you don't need to run it anymore. Find someone who is involved still, who can relate to current issues. I don't care if you live in the military town still, or if your best friend is still involved. If you aren't a military spouse anymore, you shouldn't be running a military spouse page.
If you're on the Army Wife Network, you need to be an Army wife. My exception to this? Retired. If your SO (and you by association) dedicated 10+ years of your lives to the military, please don't leave. These are the people new girls really need to hear from. These women have so much experience to share, it's amazing. They're modern day super heroes. If your husband gets out of the military after 3-5 years, you're not an Army wife anymore. Sorry, but it's the cold and hard truth. Especially if you're acknowledging the fact, saying how glad you are to be out of the military life, get off the support pages. Go join a "Doctor's Wife" page or a "Trucker's Wife" page. I'm sure they're out there.
I am not talking about THIS page. This isn't a group specifically for military SOs, it's for everyone. It's for civilians, military, retired, everyone. My mission is simply to give anyone who is interested in the life of a military spouse. If you're not a military SO, please don't leave. I still love you!

I know that this post is probably going to stir up a bunch of crap, so here's what I don't want to hear:

  • "I'll always be an Army wife. I don't care what you say. I was for xx years, I will always be.
    • That's exactly what this post is about! In my opinion, you're not! You don't belong on groups for military spouses. Afterall, your husband isn't a soldier anymore, is he? 
  • "I feel like you're talking about me. Way to say it to my face.
    • I'm not. So, hush. This post is about no specific person, just about a trend that I've noticed. If you're a former military spouse (not for more than 10 years), check yourself. 
  • "I'm on the pages because my (xx relative) was in the military so I know all about it.
    • Awesome for them! Are you married to your relative? If you are, we have bigger issues. 
  • "You're just jealous because they know more than you.
    • If that's what you have to tell yourself... Sure. I know that I'm new to this life. I've got over a year under my belt, almost two actually. Yes, that is nothing compared to some of these wives. I still know my share though. If you don't like what you're reading, stop. 
That's the end of my rant for now. I'm sure that I'll still get an inbox full of complaints, but it's okay. I do challenge my readers to comment publicly though. If you don't have a Blogger account, make one. They don't spam you and you can subscribe to this blog so when you log into Blogger it will show up in the Reading List. Anyone with a Blogger account can comment on these posts and you do not have to have a Google email address. Any email address will work. So, comment away. Tell me your opinions. I'm sure I'm not entirely alone in this opinion. 
God Bless ♥ Vi