Sunday, May 20, 2012

How Do You Say Goodbye?

It's common knowledge that saying goodbye, or "see you later," is part of the military life. Sometimes it's only for a few days but sometimes it's many months. One of the most common questions I get asked by people interested in this lifestyle is how I deal with seeing him off. To be entirely honest, I don't really know.
Seeing your soldier off is all about finding your own "mojo." I almost always sob like a baby and completely break down when I watch him walk away. After a few days, I'll get back into the swing of things and just become a robot for the remainder of the time. It's been quite a long time since I've had to be alone for more than a few days.
For some reason, the last time I saw my husband off, I didn't. I bawled for the last week or so that he was here, but I didn't cry that much when he actually left. I'd been having a pretty hard time dealing with the idea of him leaving this last time because he couldn't take his phone with him. The last time that I went more than four or five days without talking to him was during basic training. Even then, the longest I've ever gone without talking to my husband is around 18 days. Going a whole month without talking to him scares me more than you could imagine. Especially being pregnant, I hate not being able to text or call him if something doesn't feel right. Anyway, I did really really well at the actually seeing-off. I cried, but only for a little bit. I stayed and talked with some of the wives afterwords which helped a lot. I actually slept that night too. I was feeling really really well until this morning.
My husband made some different videos for me to watch while he is away. I don't even know what they are about because he had me leave the room when he made them. I went to watch them this morning and was crushed to find out that the microphone cut out in every one of them. The only words that I can actually hear are "four days." I broke down a lot harder than I expected to. Something about thinking that I was going to get to hear his voice every day made it a lot easier. Now, finding out that I can't... My heart hurts. I still have some old voicemails saved on my phone that might help me cope a little. I was just really looking forward to Adalin being able to hear them as well. I don't want her to forget daddy's voice while he's away.
Saying goodbye is all about doing what feels best for you. Nearly everyone I've talked to has always told me to stay busy while they're away. I agree that it helps pass the time. The only problem is when you run out of things to do... This morning I decided to go on a cleaning rampage. Problem: I did that yesterday while he was getting ready to go. I didn't have hardly anything to do this morning. I did some laundry and cleaned the kitchen, then sat down ad realized that I don't really have anything to do... I start classes again tomorrow which should help. I have a few doctor's appointments while he's gone and I'm hoping a few friends of mine will come to visit.
There is no set format to deal with your soldier being away. There's no manual with step by step instructions on how to cope. Everyone deals with it differently. Some people need to shut down and be alone for a while. Others need to be surrounded with people to keep their mind busy. I'm a combination of both. I don't particularly feel like being around people right after he leaves, but I need to stay busy as well. Like I said, it's all about finding your mojo.

God Bless ♥ Vi