|My View Saturday|
I did come to a conclusion though. Traveling to Michigan is going to be very very interesting this summer. The first three hours of our trip today were great. She fussed a little at the beginning, and then knocked out. Once we hit the three hour mark, almost exactly, she woke up screaming and didn't stop. I didn't stop once in the first three hours, and had to stop three times in the last hour because I was getting too distracted by her tantrum. She had a dry diaper, a full belly, nothing pinched, plenty of toys, and nothing else wrong. I tried absolutely everything. I know that she was just sick of being in the car seat, but I obviously couldn't just stop in the middle of no where and stay for the night. We were less than 30 minutes from home when I hit my breaking point. I cranked the radio, rolled down the windows, and just zoned. I could no nothing more for her. I absolutely hate letting her cry like that for so long, but I had exhausted all other options. She proceeded to cry for another solid hour once we got home, so she went to bed early. I don't know if she was over-tired or what, but she hasn't thrown a tantrum like that in a long time. I hope we have that long of a gap again because it was pretty unbearable.
I also find myself feeling detached from reality lately. Even though my husband has been deployed for well over half of a year, I have been forgetting that he's gone lately. I find myself thinking, "When I get home I'll make xx dinner dish because Jimmy will like it." Then I realize that I'm still only cooking for one, and want to cry. I don't know if I'm just so emotionally exhausted that I can't think straight, or what my problem is.
I get irritated over the stupidest things. Adalin's carpet has been stained since we moved into this house over a year and a half ago, but for the last week it has been driving me insane. I was planning on waiting until next week to rent a carpet cleaner, but I think it's going to happen in the next few days.
I'm so tired of not sleeping. It doesn't matter if I think Jimmy is going to get online or not, I don't sleep. If there's a chance he's going to get on, I don't sleep heavily because I don't want to miss his messages. If there's not a chance he'll get on, I don't sleep because I miss him. Adalin's been so rambunctious lately that I'm constantly worrying about her. She headbutts everything and is climbing on anything possible.
I'm so over deployment. I want my husband home. I'm tired of not knowing what's causing his bad days, his attitude, our lack of communication. I'm tired of having to deal with a 10.5 hour time difference. I'm tired of not being able to tell him that Adalin stood for a solid 20 seconds (or more) on the day that it happened. I'm tired of not being able to call him when I'm having a rough day. I'm just so tired. If I go to bed now, I will probably lay down and stare at the ceiling for an hour or two. I'm sick of this insomnia. Oh well, I suppose I should try. Adalin was on an early morning kick all weekend so I'm exhausted.
I really did have a great weekend though... Just a rough night. It's flown by fast and I'm ecstatic that this is one of the last weekends I'll be spending without my husband. We still have "many" to go, but we're closing in day by day.
God Bless ♥ V