Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Being Scared of Your Kids

I saw a post on Facebook early this morning that really had my wheels turning. A parent in our area moved his teenage daughter's bedroom to their driveway since she refused to clean it. Funny, sure. Extreme, maybe a little. Yes, it definitely got his point across, but I feel like there may have been other ways.

One of the comments on this photo said something about how parents should do this more often and how they need to "stop being afraid of their kids." This is what got me thinking. I don't think that this was done out of fear of his daughter, but maybe frustration. Regardless, being afraid of your kids isn't okay. Why fear them?

Since I always seem to take an idea and run with it... I ended up on a completely different path: your kids fearing you. So many parents I see use scare tactics (even the man from the photo) to get their children to behave. What kind of relationship is that? Using fear to get what you want isn't healthy. 

I never what my children to fear my husband or me. Parenting is a journey of mutual respect. Can you imagine the conversation that happened in that house last night? This was reported on several news stations, and has nearly a thousand shares on Facebook in just 10 hours. Anyone in the area who knows this girl, knows it was her. Everyone in their subdivision knows it was her. I can't imagine. Even though she will probably never have a messy room again, what did this do to her relationship with her dad? She's never going to trust him again, at least not for a long time. This is something that's going to stick with her for a long time.

I want to have an open relationship with my kids. I want them to be able to come to me with everything, and not constantly be afraid for my reaction. I see all these comments on the post saying "Parenting done right," or "This is how it should be done." But really, what did that accomplish? 

A lot of you are probably thinking that I'm a softy now. Honestly, I might be. Keeping in mind that I don't have teenagers, and that I'm barely out of my teenage years myself... I just don't see the point in this. I guess my views may be extremely different in thirteen years when Miss A is fighting to clean her room, is talking to a boy we don't like, and is wearing clothes that may not be age appropriate. Maybe then I'll be more likely to want to resort to publicly shaming my child (note the sarcasm there). 

I suppose this is just some food for thought today. I was fortunate to never fear my parents. They did a pretty great job keeping trust between us. I can only hope that we will have that healthy of a relationship with our kids. 

God Bless ♥ V