Friday, April 04, 2014

The Days the Army Sucks.

Today is one of those days that I really do wonder what life would be like if my husband wasn't in the Army. Hubs is out at Gunnery for the next couple weeks. Even though he's been gone for less than three days, Miss A is missing her daddy worse than ever before. It's honestly killing me.

She got to talk to him for a few brief minutes today, but the call quality was terrible. Other than that, she hasn't talked to him, hasn't skyped him, and hasn't seen him. Through all of that, she also hasn't stopped asking about him. All day long, I hear "Daddy? Where's daddy?" or "I want my daddy," or "No mom. Daddy."

Along with missing daddy, she's also extremely extremely attached to mom. Yesterday, I had full intentions of leaving Miss A at daycare for the first time since the beginning of February. We went in the morning to get her familiarized again. Well, that failed. As soon as we walked into her classroom she had a full meltdown. We're talking complete panic: huge sobs, panicked breathing, and shaking uncontrollably. It was horrible. We ended up staying about an hour and a half to get her comfortable again, but I didn't take her in to stay that afternoon. Once we got home, she didn't leave my side until she went to bed.

Today is even worse. As I type this, she's sitting on my lap, squirming ridiculously... but if I try to put her down, she panics. I hate that she's afraid to be away from me. I want her to be confident enough to venture.

It's days like today that I really realize that the life we live isn't normal. It's not "normal" to have your husband gone for weeks and weeks at a time. It's not "normal" to have to ask your husband to repeat himself seventeen times because you can't hear him over the gunfire in the background. It's not "normal" to see tanks rolling next to the road, and not look twice. It's not "normal" to be unable to call your husband whenever you need to. It's just odd.

Almost all of the time, I really don't mind this lifestyle. It's all my husband and I have known together. I am used to him being gone, to traveling alone, and to essentially raising our daughter by myself. That's not something foreign to me. He does as much as he can, when he can, but he is gone a lot. Adalin is not used to that. She wants her daddy to give her a bath like he does every night. She wants him to tuck her into bed and give her kisses. She wants him to tickle her and read her books. She can't understand why he's not here to do that right now, and that absolutely kills me.

At the end of the day, we make due with what we can. He calls as much as he is able to, and I distract her to the best of my ability. It's still hard, but it's doable. I think that once she gets older, and understands what "Daddy's working this week" means, it might be a bit easier. I know that the questions will still come, but at least the answers will make a little more sense.

God Bless ♥ V