Thursday, January 29, 2015

Holy Hormones

Today I’m feeling the extreme mood swings that is pregnancy. I’ve spent my week preparing for a trip to Nashville this weekend. While it sounds like an amazing experience, and I know I’ll have fun… I’m honestly completely dreading it. I have a lot of trouble driving more than an hour or two by myself, so this five hour drive should be really interesting. On top of that is something that is weighing really heavily on my heart. 

I have never been more than a few hours away from Miss A, and have only ever been away from her for 24 hours once. While she was sick last May, and I became sick as well, I went home from the hospital to sleep and try to recover while the Mister and Miss A stayed at the hospital trying to get her healed. I was less than 30 minutes away, and talked with my husband frequently for updates. 

Tomorrow, I will be leaving for three days, and traveling over 200 miles away. Sitting here writing this, I bawl. I feel pathetic for feeling this way. She’s almost 2 1/2 years old. It should not be this big of a deal for me to leave her. At the same time, I feel completely justified. There really was no “easing into it” for this trip. She’s never stayed the night at grandma’s, she’s never been with a sitter overnight, she’s never been away from me this long. She’s sick again, and has been a total mama’s girl this week. I feel guilty for leaving her. I feel like I’m abandoning her. ‘

But again, as I type, I feel even more guilty for feeling this way because I know my husband is completely capable of taking care of her. She loves her daddy, just as much as he adores her. They don’t get much one-on-one time, and I know it’s important for them to build a relationship on their own. He has been forced to leave her for several weeks and months at a time, and has taken it in stride. I choose to leave for two nights and am a complete wreck.

I just don’t know how to cope with these feelings of guilt, anxiety, and mild depression. As minor as it may seem to most people, I’ll be missing her two and a half “birthday” during my trip. It’s little things like this that I cherish. Even though my husband has missed far more (nine months of her first year, the first food, first crawl, first steps, first words, second birthday, you name it…. Thanks, Army), I hate missing things with her. 

On top of all of this… I so desperately need a break. Being solely responsible for her from the time she goes to bed until my husband gets home the following evening (roughly 21 hours, 5 days a week), I am going legitimately crazy. I haven’t had any “me time” in a long time. I’ve never done anything like this for myself or my career… yet I still find myself feeling incredibly guilty for doing so. I don’t know if it’s a swift kick in the rear that I need, or a really really long hug, but I need something. 

This weekend will definitely be one that I remember forever, whether it’s for good things or bad. I am praying that I’m able to get these hormones under control for the next few days so I can enjoy my “time off” and actually learn and grow from this trip. Prayers for strength and sanity would be greatly appreciated through tomorrow and the weekend. 


I’m off to go pack and try to hold it together tonight.

God Bless ♥︎ V

15 Week Bumpdate

Time for another bumpdate! I'm 15 weeks now, and finally starting to feel better. Here are the details:
How Far Along: 15 Weeks


Size of Baby: About the size of an apple

Gender: It’s a Boy! We found out early at 13 weeks

Nicknames for Baby: “Baby James” and “Little One”

Total weight gain/loss: I still weigh about the same so far. 
Maybe a pound or two gain.

Symptoms: My nausea is finally starting to ease up. I’ve gone from puking every 12 hours to about every 3-4 days. I’m still ridiculously hormonal… so that’s always fun. And new this week, I’m crazy hungry.

Cravings: Mostly salty or cheesy things. Frozen mac and cheese has been a big one, and turkey and cheese Lunchables. I can’t get enough. 

Maternity Clothes: I still fit in my normal jeans, but I’m more uncomfortable in leggings. I did score three pairs of maternity jeans on clearance for less than $50 at Target. Shamelessly rocking them today.

Stretch Marks: Nothing so far. I didn’t get them till around 36 weeks with Miss A, so hopefully I’ll be in the clear for a while.

Sleep: All. The. Time. I have trouble getting comfortable at night, but Unisom has seemed to help some. I don’t like taking it often, but the days that I just really need a good rest, I’ll take it.

Best Moment This Week: Not puking all the time, and discovering how comfortable maternity jeans are. I never wore them with Miss A, but this time around… yes.

What I Miss: Strawberry daiquiris, good sleep, and exercise

Movement: Only a few times now, but I have felt some!

Nausea Triggers: Smells, the thought of raw meat, and sweets

Belly Size: Not too much change in the last few weeks. I promise I’ll get another photo up soon!

Nursery: Is currently my office. I probably won’t be able to convert it to the nursery for a good while.

Workouts: I’ve been using my mini elliptical a few days every week. I don’t notice a huge change in my body, but I figure something is better than nothing.

Labor Signs: None for a while hopefully!

Belly Button: In but getting a little flatter.

Wedding Rings: On!

Mood: Still very emotional…


Looking Forward To: Our ultrasound in three weeks. We should get another confirmation that it’s a boy, which will allow me to start buying baby stuff!

I'll be updating again in a few weeks with some photos :)

God Bless ♥︎ Victoria

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

She's hot

My poor sweet baby has had a fever of 102º+ since last night. She seemed perfectly fine at dinner, and while we were shopping afterwords... but once we got home, she plopped on the couch and was silent. That never happens. She'll sit, but very rarely is she still and quiet.

She felt warm to me, so I gave her a cool bath, hoping she was just bundled under too many blankets on the couch. But after her bath, she just wanted to be held and rocked. Again, this never really happens. The Mister took her temperature, and it read 102º. I used the temporal thermometer (which I don't find to be quite as accurate, since it was a cheap one), and got a range from 100.7º to 102.3º, so we gave her some Tylenol and hoped she was just exhausted from a busy day.

I took her temperature again at 10:00, two hours after the Tylenol and some sleep, and it was down to 97º (with the temporal thermometer), so I let her sleep. I managed to get a reading without waking her, and didn't want to chance her losing hours of sleep to get the same reading twice. I'm now wishing I would have checked her once more.

She woke up around her normal time this morning, but she was bawling. I knew... this awful fever is back. This morning, she's consistently at 103º and I'm completely terrified. It's been just over a year since we had a month of consistent ear infections and several rounds antibiotics, which eventually led up to her ear tube surgery. At her last check up, he doctor was relatively certain that one of the tubes was out now, but the other was still there. I can't help but thing that the ear infections are back. I'm so glad she was able to go a whole year without one, but more than anything, I do not want her to have to fight these again.

I'm praying it's something else. I don't know what the course of treatment will be this time, since it's likely been less than a month since (at least one of) the tubes came out. I'm anxious they'll want to remove her adenoids, do another round of tubes, or something else surgical. I know, I'm probably jumping to conclusions, but this poor child has already been through so much in her short life. I just don't want her to go through another surgery.

Prayers are greatly appreciated this morning, as I'll be taking her in to the doctor at 11:00.

God Bless ♥︎ V

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

12 Week Bumpdate

This pregnancy has been so different than my first. Exhibit A: We did a big huge announcement on this blog for the first one... and today is my first mention of it. Oops! Life has been crazy. Anyway, I'm hoping to do these bumpdates over the next several months, hopefully more frequently than I'm actually expecting, but we'll see what life throws at us. Without further ado, the 12 week bumpdate: 

How Far Along: 12 Weeks

Size of Baby: About the size of a lime

Gender Prediction: Boy

Nicknames for Baby: Nothing has really stuck yet, just "Little One"

Total weight gain/loss: I weigh about the same so far. 
Maybe a pound or two gain.

Symptoms: Nausea ALL the time. I’m exhausted a lot, so I sleep a lot. I’m hormonal, so I cry over spilt milk, or dropping an egg, or the dryer taking too long… You know, normal things.

Cravings: Mostly salty or cheesy things. Sweet foods make me puke.

Maternity Clothes: Leggings have proved to be my best friend lately. I still fit in my normal jeans, but I’m more uncomfortable in the.

Stretch Marks: Nothing so far. I didn’t get them till around 36 weeks with Miss A, so hopefully I’ll be in the clear for a while.

Sleep: All. The. Time. I have trouble getting comfortable at night, but Unisom has seemed to help some. I don’t like taking it often, but the days that I just really need a good rest, I’ll take it.

Best Moment This Week: I’m starting to feel a little more movement. I felt the first movement about two weeks ago, so I’m always paying attention now. 

What I Miss: Strawberry daiquiris, sleeping through the night without peeing, and running. Most of all, feeling like myself. I'm so tired of being sick all day.

Movement: Only a few times now, but I have felt some!

Nausea Triggers: Smells, the thought of raw meat, gory tv shows, dog farts, lack of sleep, you name it. 

Belly Size: There’s a little bump! It comes and goes as it pleases, but mornings and evenings seem to be when I’m showing most.


Nursery: Is currently my office. I probably won’t be able to convert it to the nursery for a good while, and Miss A still has the crib (as a toddler bed), but that should be changing soon.

Workouts: I just invested in a mini-elliptical today, so we’ll see how that goes. Working out has been making me more sick, but I’m hoping we’ll be to the end of that soon.

Labor Signs: None for a while hopefully!

Belly Button: In but getting a little flatter.

Wedding Rings: On!

Mood: Definitely more moody and emotional than my first pregnancy. I feel bad for my husband, he’s been putting up with a lot.

Looking Forward To: Our ultrasound next week. It’s still too early to find out the gender, but I’m excited to see this little child of mine again.

I am being seen both on post at Martin Army, as well as off post at a high risk specialist because of Miss A's history. I'm so thankful they're being proactive and monitoring this little one early on. I'll be sure to update after our appointment next week. 

God Bless ♥︎ Victoria