I can say that a week ago, I really didn't see myself being pregnant today. I was having consistent contractions every 20 minutes (and every seven minutes the following day!) and was experiencing tons of pressure and pains. I thought for sure that baby boy would have been here before the end of last week. Yet, here I sit, with my big ole belly, uncomfortable as can be, still pregnant.
While I'm still over a week before my due date, I'm incredibly anxious. I'm ready to go into labor, I'm ready to push out this baby, I'm ready to bring him home. I don't remember feeling like this with Miss A, but there were a few crucial differences with my pregnancy with her: she was high risk, and we didn't know what the outcome of her diagnosis would be. She was happy as a clam in my belly, and I was okay with keeping her in there. Secondly, I was induced, so I knew which day she'd be coming. I could count down, and I knew weeks in advance (three weeks, to be exact), when I'd be going to the hospital. There wasn't this unknown waiting game... Being a control freak, I was extremely comfortable being able to count down and prepare for her birth.
This pregnancy, since it's my goal to go all natural, it's a different ball game. My whole pregnancy, I've joked that Miss A's wild side would send me into labor long before my due date. This daredevil child of mine knows how to keep her mommy on her toes, and how to induce minor heart attacks like it's her job. I joked that I'd be lucky if I made it to July, let alone to my due date. Even though she still scares the pants off me on a daily basis by jumping off furniture, claiming there's giant spiders in her playroom, and all sorts of other crazy things.... I'm still pregnant.
Another big difference is how I'm carrying this baby. I carried very internally with Miss A, so my belly wasn't huge. She hung out high and tight, and I wasn't particularly uncomfortable. I didn't have more than a handful of contractions before I was induced, didn't experience much hip pain, and didn't even get stretch marks until 37 weeks. This baby, has been a completely different experience. I'm carrying low, outward, and have developed triple the stretch marks that I did with Miss A. I contract, a lot, and have oodles of hip pain and pressure. It's a totally different ball game.
I'm trying so hard to let God have this pregnancy, and to surrender control to him. As much as I want to be able to count down, to know exactly when this baby is coming, and to finally get a little relief and lose this baby weight, I really want to let things play out how He intended them to. I hear stories about women going two, three, even four weeks past their due dates, and I cry. While I know, I won't be pregnant forever, the idea of potentially having five more weeks of pregnancy is enough to make me hide in the bathroom and sob. Shoot, the idea of having three more weeks of pregnancy makes me cry. I know that God has a plan, and won't let me be pregnant for too much longer, even if it is a lot longer than I'd like. It's been difficult for me to just relax and let things happen, but I know that it's what I'm supposed to do. I know that God made my body to do this, even if I am uncomfortable, hot, sticky, and super hormonal.
So, here's to the last few days or weeks of my pregnancy. Especially if this is our last baby, as we're currently thinking, I don't want to rush the process. If this is the last time I'm going to be pregnant, I want to "enjoy" it while I can (even if that does mean eating half a package of Chips Ahoy cookies while crying and locked in the bathroom).
God Bless ♥︎ Victoria
God Bless ♥︎ Victoria